


I don't know up from down / or when my feet are on the ground

by mithrilstarlight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Satine Kryze Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26399935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrilstarlight/pseuds/mithrilstarlight
Summary: Ahsoka doesn't know the first thing about raising children, but they might as well be family. She'll do anything to keep the twins safe, even if she sees nothing but Anakin's face in them.Title from "Stuck in Gravity" by Of Monsters and Men
Kudos: 28





	I don't know up from down / or when my feet are on the ground

“Where to, Commander Tano?”

Ahsoka collapses into the pilot’s seat, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t know,” she mumbles. She’s so tired. When had she last slept?

Reaching forward, she pulls up the communications screen and begins to type a message. Rex reaches out and grabs her wrist. “Commander, I thought the whole point of this was to make the Republic believe we were dead.”

Tugging her hand back, she glares at him. “This is for a friend.”

“Does this friend have a name?”

“Lux Bonteri.”

Rex is silent, but she can feel his anger.

“I trust him, okay?” She finishes typing the message. “He’s good friends with Padmé. There’s no way she would let something like this happen without a fight and if she’s fighting, he’ll be right beside her. Besides, it’s encoded.”

“Fine.”

He’s still angry.

* * *

She wouldn’t cry. She can't afford to cry. But Padmé is _dead_ and the galaxy is a little emptier without her.

Lux sends a reply. _There’s a meeting on Naboo_ , he says. Naboo is better than simply drifting in orbit around a desolate moon in a desolate star system. At least now they have somewhere to go.

Obi-Wan looks ragged when he greets them at the docking bay. Despair emanates from him in crushing waves. He puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes a little. She knows what it means. Anakin is gone. Her heart crumbles and she wraps her arms around Obi-Wan. She could cry now.

Her mind reels as she stares at the twins. “I don’t understand.” She looks over at Obi-Wan in disbelief.

“In love, Skywalker was,” Yoda explains. “To the dark side it led him.”

“To the…” Perhaps she had assumed wrong. “Master Yoda, what is it you all aren’t telling me?” She looks around the room. Bail Organa and Lux sit at the other end of the table and Rex stands in the corner, ever the soldier on guard.

“Anakin became Darth Sidious’s apprentice, Ahsoka. He led the attack on the Temple and he leads the hunt for those of us who escaped,” Obi-Wan sighs. “Our reports say he’s taken the title Darth Vader.”

Ahsoka doesn’t want to believe that it’s true. Anakin would never… And yet here they stand.

“Hidden, safe the children must be kept.”

“We must take them somewhere where the Sith will not sense their presence.”

“Split up, they should be.”

That was where she drew the line. “No, you can’t separate them.” They were all the family the other had left.

“A better idea, have you?”

Ahsoka looks to Obi-Wan. Anakin had been brother to them both. “I’ve seen my file. I’m marked as dead. They’ll be safe with me.”

* * *

Ahsoka didn’t sleep the first night on Onderon. Lux gave her and the children shelter. The Bonteri estate is large and secluded. No one will bother them and they will have all the comforts necessary for the children. Besides, Lux has a lot of work to do with Senators Organa and Mothma on Coruscant. He won’t be using the place anyway.

She walks the grounds at dawn every day, the silence bearing down on her. Rex had probably made it to Mandalore by now. Bo-Katan will give him shelter. She can always use a good soldier and that’s what Rex is in the end.

News trickles in from the outside once in a while. Lux doesn’t like talking about the Senate, if it can even be called that anymore. _We’re puppets_ , he admits after a few months. _It doesn’t matter what we believe, as long as we vote for what he wants_. He looks thinner with every call.

* * *

The twins grow slowly. Humans have a similar lifespan to Togruta, she has to remind herself constantly. It’ll be years before they can start any form of training, even if the thought of it makes her sick. But Master Yoda insisted. If they’re in the care of a Jedi, they will be taught to use the Force.

Leia is the first one to walk. She has no fear. She’s the first to climb the stairs and the first to fall down them. She’ll only cause more trouble as she grows.

Luke is quieter, but no less impulsive. He finds his balance easily, and his strength with the force grows faster than it does for his sister. Somehow that worries Ahsoka even more.

_They’re coming. Onderon has been chosen. You’re not safe. Saw is on his way._

Ahsoka wants to scream when Lux’s transmission ends. Not because she particularly liked it here, but because it meant the twins were in danger.

“I’ve got a ship waiting for you. It’s a cargo vessel and it’s not in great shape, but it’s fast,” Saw says. He’s battle-scarred from the last time Onderon was occupied. He plans on leading the fight against this new occupation, too. He’s a rebel at his core.

“Fast is what we need,” she replies, twins on her back.

It’s a small ship, but it runs and that’s all she needs for now.

“Where will you go?”

It was the question she’d been asking herself since the day she arrived. It was inevitable that she’d have to go on the run again, but at least they’d been able to stay long enough for the children to be weaned and learn to walk.

“I don’t know.”

She’d rather stay and fight alongside Saw. Every bone in her body wants to stand up and fight. Master Yoda’s voice echoes in her head whenever the impulse gets too strong. _Think about the future_ , she reminds herself. It’s more important that she and the children live to fight another day.

* * *

The Outer Rim is a harsh place, but it’s outside of the Empire’s grasp. Checkpoints are few and far between. No one questions her as she shuttles cargo back and forth. She’s met a few of the crime syndicates over the years. She doesn’t trust them enough to admit who she is, but she knows they won’t look too closely at her even if a warrant was issued for her arrest.

She takes the name Ashla. No family name. She doesn’t tell the twins their family name either. Not yet.

The twins learn to walk and by the time they’re five she’s started meditating with them. She can’t bring herself to train them as Jedi Knights the way Master Yoda wants, but she can train them in the Force. She lies to herself and says it’s because she’s not a true Jedi Knight, only a padawan.

Luke has an easier time with meditation than with Leia, but she’s quicker on her feet. Ahsoka puts them both in the pilot’s seat, although Luke is the only one who really takes to it. He flies like Anakin did.

Obi-Wan asks after the children whenever he can. Coded messages fly back and forth through space. Ahsoka embellishes a little when she talks about their training. She’s taught them both how to use a blaster, but that’s what every child learns in the Outer Rim.

They won’t be used as soldiers, she tells herself every waking moment. They won’t be used the way she was.

* * *

The twins are eleven and Obi-Wan asks to see them. They’re almost padawan age, but Ahsoka thinks of them as her own children rather than apprentices. Had they been raised in the Temple, they would’ve gone to get their crystals a couple of years back. None of the Kyber mines are safe now. The Empire has taken over all of them, stripping them clean for a reason no one knows. Even if she wanted to take the twins, it would be too dangerous.

Ahsoka flies the twins to Naboo. Obi-Wan said to meet him at Satine’s small estate in the lake country. The Duchess was forced into exile after her government was overthrown by Maul, but chose to remain after Bo-Katan liberated the planet a few months later. _Mandalore will never accept the Empire_ , Satine had said, _and Bo-Katan is a better leader for what will no doubt be a long and bloody struggle_.

“It’s good to see you, Ahsoka,” the Duchess smiles. She’s still as graceful as ever.

“You, too."

A small child clings to Satine’s skirts. The little girl has Satine’s pale hair, but Ahsoka would know Obi-Wan’s eyes anywhere. She doesn’t say anything. Not yet.

* * *

“My name is Ben,” Obi-Wan says as he kneels in front of the twins. “I was your father’s brother.”

It’s not really a lie, Ahsoka supposes. The twins are dismissed to play in the water. It’s been ages since they’ve stayed on a planet long enough to enjoy something so simple.

“I know you’ve been defying us, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan says once they’re alone. “Their connection with the force is strong, but they are not on the Jedi path.”

“Perhaps the Jedi path is wrong,” she shoots back. Her time alone has given her clarity. “There is no more Jedi Order, why should they be forced to abide by its teachings?”

This makes him angry. She can feel it. She’s felt his frustration growing for a while now. “Master Yoda and I trusted you with this task. Train the children or I will.”

She’d rather die than let him take the twins from her. They’re as good as her own. “The day you put your child on the front line is the day I’ll let you put Luke and Leia on it.”

It doesn’t make her proud to say such a thing, but it has the desired effect.

“Take them to Ossus. It’s a relic of the early days of the Jedi. Crystals are few and far between there, so the Empire doesn’t think it’s worth mining. Not when Ilum and Cristophsis are within reach.”

* * *

It’s almost a month before they leave Naboo. Ahsoka missed having solid ground beneath her feet and the children need more than the recycled air of the ship for a while.

“If Ben insists on an escort,” Satine says, “I figured you might want an old friend at your side.”

Ahsoka wants to protest, but if what Obi-Wan said about the planet was true, then they would need all the protection they could get. It was a harsh world inhabited by unfriendly people. Not to mention that finding crystals might take a while.

A Mandalorian ship lands outside the estate. A squad of five soldiers disembarks. The one in the front takes off his helmet. He’s older, but clones were designed to age quickly.

“Rex!” Ahsoka cries. Any objection to an escort leaves her as she runs to her friend.

“Good to see you, Commander.”

* * *

Ossus is unlike anything Ahsoka has ever seen. It’s beautiful in a harsh sort of way. The planet is mottled, parts of it lush and parts of it desolate. They have a few run-ins with the locals, but no one gets hurt.

Eventually they find the Great Jedi Library. Master Yoda had been kind enough to share what little knowledge he had of the planet. Ahsoka doesn’t think they would’ve succeeded without it.

“This place feels older than anything I’ve ever encountered,” she tells Rex as they wind through the place. “This whole planet is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”

“I’ll take your word for it, Commander.”

She sighs. “You really shouldn’t call me that in front of the twins. They ask enough questions already. Explaining why Obi-Wan and Satine called me Ahsoka was bad enough. I’m not...”

She wasn’t ready to explain Anakin to the twins. Padmé was easier to talk about without giving away too many details. Anakin still hurt too much, even a decade later. Not when Ahsoka knew he was still out there, twisted as he’d become.

Ahsoka spends a few days unearthing lost histories from the library’s archives. There’s more buried in these ruins than she could ever hope to read in a lifetime, but she can try. The Jedi Order she knew may have been flawed, but perhaps learning a little about its origin could help her better train the twins. Perhaps it would help her find the peace within herself that had proved so elusive all these years.

There’s no use in wandering the planet, looking for a strain of crystals. It could take years to find. No, Obi-Wan said their best chance was to unearth a cache within the Library. It takes nearly two weeks, but their patience pays off.

The twins each take a crystal, their eyes wide as they take their next step towards becoming Jedi.

Ahsoka takes two crystals for herself. She constructs a pair of lightsabers for herself that night and for the first time in years, she feels at home.

* * *

Leia’s lightsaber is blue and Luke’s is green. Ahsoka is surprised by neither. Leia has always been quick to draw her blaster and the first to shoot. Luke was more forgiving, but no less capable of defending himself.

Her own blades are white. Something has changed within her since she last wielded such a weapon. She’s not sure what it means.

The twins took a liking to Rex, and him to them. The Mandalorians take them back to Naboo and back to the cargo ship. Satine is there to greet them, but Obi-Wan has left again. He can never stay too long. It’s too dangerous.

“I’m getting too old for the fight,” Rex says as the Mandalorians leave. “I’ve done my time.”

Ahsoka can’t blame him for it. “I’ll need help training the twins.”

“I’m no Jedi.”

“Exactly.” She wants him to stay not just for the twins, but for her, too. She’s been away from friends for too long, she realizes. Living in exile is lonely.

He breaks into a smile. “I thought you’d never ask, Commander.”

* * *

Rebellions across the galaxy start to make a name for themselves. Saw Gererra is the most infamous. Every planet, even in the Outer Rim, is plastered with his face. The Empire wants him more than anything.

At least the twins are safe.

The rebel groups grow and grow and eventually they merge into a single alliance. Ahsoka starts to worry. The twins are fearsome with both lightsaber and blaster. Luke is a better pilot than even his father. They’re almost adults now and Ahsoka knows she can’t keep them from the battle for much longer.

She retreats further into the Outer Rim. There’s plenty of trading to be done in Hutt territory, even if it means docking in filthy ports like Mos Eisley.

“It’s time, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan says. He’s been growing more and more impatient by the day.

She wants to tell him they’re still too young. “Their training isn’t finished,” she lies.

“You’ve stalled long enough. The Alliance has acquired plans for the Death Star. You’ve said more than once that Luke is one of the best pilots in the galaxy. We’ll need him for this.”

“And Leia?”

“Her time will come, too.”

She’s quiet for a long time. “I’m sorry, Master.” She closes the transmission and cries.

When she emerges from the cockpit several minutes later, she finds the ship empty and assumes that Rex took the twins into the port for some time on the ground.

He comes back hours later without them. They’d stayed here when he left, he explains.

Ahsoka tears through the twins’ bunks. All of their belongings are gone. Rex checks the port’s departure records. Only one ship left since the twins had last been seen: a Corellian transport named the Millenium Falcon. Ahsoka realizes that she’d forgotten perhaps the most important fact of all. These were Anakin and Padmé’s children.

“They’re headed for Yavin 4.”


End file.
